Chapter 14
Over the next few days and into early next week, min woo was barely at home, even after dark. He worked endlessly to get things planned in
Angel knew how anxious min woo was about soo jin leaving him and could understand his troubles. Soo jin was treated like a princess at home, it was hard to imagine how she could cope by herself. Every night, Angel would stay up waiting for him to come home but he never showed up.
She sat there, in stillness, that even the rustling of the papers on her table could be heard. The wind entering through the small opening of her window encircled her and took her warmth away. The bitter feeling penetrated through Angel as she stared, at her and min woo smiling happily. It was their wedding photo. Finally, the clock reminded her it was nearly morning and she gave up, once again. But something else that caught her eye as she pulled the covers, a small calendar on her bedside table, with the next day circled in red.
Tuesday.....
She smiled to herself and shut her eyes happily. She was going to see him tomorrow, she was sure.
* * * * *
The next day Angel made her way to min woo’s company just a little earlier than they had planned and rushed up to the top floor where his office was located. Min woo’s assistant smiled and stood up when she saw Angel.
“Mrs Lee...”
Just as Angel was about to enter his office, the assistant called out to her as if she was reserving something.
“Oh, sorry. Is he busy?”
Angel apologised and made a face. She forgot he would still be working until the last minute.
“No...it’s not like that. Mr Lee left already.”
“Left? Did he say where he was going?”
Angel asked confused. She felt like a balloon, with the air slowly leaking out.
“No....but he did say he may not be at work for a couple of days.”
Not being able to even say a short thank you, Angel walked towards the lift in a rush, wanting to get out.
“Mrs Lee?”
Min woo’s assistant called out worriedly, but Angel did not turn her head back as she stepped into the opened door.
Where are you......?
Taking her cell phone out and flipping it open, Angel pressed in the numbers that she knew so well with shaking fingers.
“Hello?”
She finally breathed a sigh of relief.
“Min woo? Where are you?”
“Oh Angel? I’m so sorry....I’m in a rush right now. I’m going to
“
Min woo didn’t speak for a moment but then proceeded to explain.
“Well, Soo jin’s leaving next week and I just wanted to go check out the place for her. I just won’t be able to sleep without seeing her apartment and the environment for myself.”
“I...see....but....I thought.....we were going to the beach today...”
Her voice trailed off and the tone that could break anyone else’s heart had no effect on min woo.
“Oh I totally forgot. I’m sorry Angel. But you know how important this is. We’ll go to the beach some other day when I get back okay?”
He said hastily, brushing off the matter like nothing.
“But...”
“Look, I have to board now. I’ll see you in two or three days. Take care of soo jin and dad for me. Bye.”
The only sound she could hear was the beeping after he hung up. She couldn’t bring herself to hang up because she lingered for him, she wanted to hear his voice. It seemed forever since she had last been able to talk to him. It seemed forever since she had last smiled. She was losing grasp of everything. The happiness, the laughter, the days that passed with min woo, they weren’t real after all.
But min woo....you...promised....
* * * * *
“Angel?”
Min woo’s father called behind her as she trudged up the stairs.
Taking a deep breath in, she finally turned around, eyes watery.
“Yes dad?”
He stared at her blurry eyes and trembling lips. When she first entered the house, he knew there was something wrong. When the front door opened her usually threatening shouts weren’t heard and she didn’t come charging, demanding he tell her what he ate and did the whole day. The twinkling eyes lost its glow and the black pupils only led anyone who was looking to a deep and empty hole.
“What’s wrong? How come you’re home so early?”
“Something came up....I’m so tired dad....can I go up and rest?”
Without waiting for a reply, she turned around slowly and continued her way up to her room.
“I thought you were going to the beach with min woo this afternoon....”
He shouted after her and generated a small flicker in her eyes that disappeared immediately.
“So.....did...I.....”
The words were like a light breeze, if you didn’t concentrate hard enough, it would pass by you just like that. But this breeze would carry meanings so much more beyond the average understanding. Simple words, softly spoken, so much meaning. Could anyone ever understand?
* * * * *
“Unnie.....are you okay?”
Angel was so mesmerized in the framed photo on her bedside she didn’t even hear the door creaking open behind her.
”Huh? Hi soo jin....what’s wrong?”
Soo jin smiled embarrassed and walked in timidly. Angel urged her to sit down on the bed next to her.
“Nothing much...it’s just that I’ll be leaving really soon and I wanted to have a chat with you that’s all.”
Smiling, Angel brushed a piece of hair behind soo jin’s ear and patted her head.
“I remember when you still used to go to school and would come to the café every day to tell me all the funny things that happened that day. You’ve grown so much....time flies doesn’t it.....”
“Yeah....”
“You don’t look too happy for someone ready to go somewhere she had begged for....”
Angel noticed.
“Maybe I’m not.....I don’t know....I’m not even sure if I’m ready for this.....”
“Why....?”
“It’s true, I’ve been protected all my life and now that I’m going to have to live by myself.....I’m scared.....and...Danny....”
“Soo jin....listen to me....I know you’re scared.....and I’m not going to lie to you....anything could go wrong and you won’t be guaranteed to be protected when things don’t turn out the way you expect them to be. That’s life soo jin.....Danny may seem like the one for you now but in the end he may just be a passer-by in your life too.....nothing is predictable and nothing turns out the way you want them to....but....isn’t that why we continue on living? We’re always searching for what we want and it comes in so many forms that we don’t even recognise happiness when it stares us in the face.....which is why sometimes you should gamble a little.....take risks....grab your chances.....who knows whether the one thing you let go may have made you complete......”
“.......you’re right.......but.....if I lose....”
Soo jin couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if she did lose, what she would do, how she would cope, whether she even had the courage to lose.
“I’ll let you in on something....I can relate to you right now...because I had felt exactly the same way once in my life.....”
Soo jin jerked her head up in surprise.
“You....have?”
“Yes I have....and you know what? I took the chance and my stake was everything. Everything hung on the line, any small movement could cause it to all fall apart. I was once terrified of what may happen if anything went wrong.....but after awhile I saw through it......even if I lose......I gain something very valuable.....”
Eyeing her expectedly, soo jin’s eyes didn’t even blink, waiting for her to continue.
“...and that’s no regrets soo jin......even if I don’t possess anything, I still can call out to the world that I have no regrets...I have lived my life to the full.....which is more than I can say for myself if I hadn’t taken that chance.......”
“I think I finally understand....I shouldn’t run from reality...but face it.....I can’t hide any longer can I.....? Thank you so much unnie.....I don’t know what I would do without you.....”
Smiling, Angel hugged soo jin tightly and whispered one more thing in her ear.
“I’m not going to lie and say I won that round.....because I don’t think I did....but I’m not going to give up just yet.....don’t walk down a path soo jin......pave it as you walk.....”
Even though Angel appeared to be showing soo jin the light before her, she was really trying to convince herself not to give up. She’s been through so much that it would kill her if she had to throw everything away.
Maybe......I was too naïve...maybe that’s why I thought I could let go....just like that....when I wanted.......I can’t.....I won’t.....not until the very end......
Chapter 15
Over the few days Angel kept telling herself to not suspect anything or think about min woo and soo jin anymore, what comes will come. She forced herself to trust min woo and look at the situation objectively. It wouldn’t be right if he did not care for her, after all he did love her, or still does. It didn’t matter to Angel anymore. She loved seeing him smile and laugh and his mischievous shining eyes, she was so in love that as long as he was here with her everything would be alright. Whatever thoughts she would have about wanting more from min woo would be pushed out of her mind ruthlessly. Who was she to ask for more? She was the one that agreed to this marriage and she knew what their marriage was based on. The happiness and well being of the one and only girl her husband loved so dearly. It had been such a long time ago since Angel had thought about any of this. She was once so sure that her happiness was not far away and that as long as she had patience it would draw closer eventually. But when she saw it so clearly and made a lunge for it, the tips of her fingers cut through it like a wisp of smoke. There was nothing there, empty, it was only an illusion. She had never cheated herself before, what happened this time? Why did she let herself sink so deep? Why?
* * * * *
Min woo walked into their bedroom and crept up behind Angel.
“Hey...”
Angel felt a pair of arms encircle her and she knew who it was without turning around.
“You’re back.”
Min woo frowned at her icy tone and empty pitch.
“Oh I missed you too.”
He let loose of her and came to kneel in front of her on the other side. When her pale, almost white washed face came into view, his attitude immediately softened.
“You don’t look so well...are you feeling alright?”
He asked concerned.
“I’m fine. Just a bit tired. It’s so late, go have a shower. I’m going to rest now.”
She replied, uncaring. But her fingers unconsciously slid down her own face. Min woo watched her carelessly sitting there and staring into space. There was obviously something on her mind and it was disturbing. Then he finally remembered the day she rang him before he was about to board the plane.
“Angel? Are you angry at me? I’m really sorry about that day. I know I said we would go to the beach but you know how important it was right? I mean, we can go to the beach any day.”
“No, it’s okay. I understand.”
...or should I say...I don’t care....?
She strained her face to crack a small smile but to min woo, her smile was as natural as always. He knew she would understand because she always did.
“Thank you so much. I knew you’d understand. Anyway, you better get some rest. I’ll go have a shower now.”
He stood up and her gaze followed him around then to her own surprise, she called to him.
“So...how was everything....in
“Oh, I really liked the atmosphere there. You should know right?”
He smiled.
“Yeah...I should.....”
....I wish I still did......
“Well, I refurnished everything after they renovated the inside of the house. I know soo jin doesn’t like dull colours so I made sure everything was bright and happy. I bought her a car too, the transport was really close but I think it would be better if she could have her own car....and...”
Min woo went on to tell Angel everything he did in
“That’s great.....I hope she settles in well....”
Angel lay down on the bed and closed her eyes leaving min woo staring.
There’s nothing to be jealous of.....nothing......just let it go......you haven’t got anything to be unhappy about......he’s nice to you...he cares about you....what more...could you want.......?
She kept telling herself, but she knew there was one thing that she wanted from him above all else. Three words. Three simple, clean, to the point words that he could never afford to give.
* * * * *
“Oh I’m so excited.”
Soo jin screamed jumping up and down holding onto Angel’s hands.
“Calm down....”
Angel smiled, to see soo jin smile was the only thing that made her marriage worthwhile now because wasn’t that why she was married in the first place?
“Soo jin, you have to promise to be careful and take care of yourself when you get there. It’s another world to you over there so if there’s any slight problem don’t hesitate to call me okay?”
Min woo spoke sternly and his eyes called out to her in longing. His princess, his jewel was leaving. But one thing he found slightly askew was the feeling he had towards her. He didn’t want her to go but it was only because of all the unknown obstacles she would have to face without him but there was no real heartache, pain, agony gnawing at his heart, just worries for her safety. It surprised him when he realised what he was thinking about.
I’m letting go....yet....this feeling.....it doesn’t hurt....it doesn’t kill.....I’m almost happy.....to see her smile.....to see her so excited about everything lying ahead.....I’m just happy for her....and nothing else....but.......where’s the pain......the anguish......the despair.....the sorrow.....? How come....I don’t feel any of it.....I don’t understand....
“I will...I will oppa.....”
“Don’t worry...I’ll take care of her...”
Danny promised, with one arm around soo jin. Min woo looked at him darkly.
“You better...”
“Alright alright....We have to board now...”
Soo jin pulled Danny towards her and smiled awkwardly at min woo.
“Soo jin ah....take care and don’t forget to come back and check on us okay?”
“Don’t worry uncle...I will.....”
Anyone could see how excited and exhilarated soo jin was feeling even though she tried to hide it. She felt apologetic that she wasn’t really sad to leave. Every part of her was calling out to everything that was waiting for her.
“You better go...they’re calling again. Whatever you need ring us okay?”
Angel patted soo jin on the cheek like she use to when soo jin was still a small girl. Soo jin smiled and took Danny by the hand.
“Thanks...I’ll miss you all and uncle....look after yourself or unnie will make you go to more yoga lessons...”
With that she and Danny turned around and walked off to the entrance and inside to where the plane was boarding. When their backs disappeared into the crowds of people lining up, min woo’s father and Angel turned around to head outside. After a few steps Angel noticed Min woo’s unmoving figure. She entwined her fingers in his and gave a small squeeze. He turned around and gave her a helpless shrug. She was gone and there was nothing he could do about it. She smiled reassuringly, pulling a little to lead him walking in the other direction from soo jin. Observing min woo from the side she couldn’t work out why he was so tranquil, without slight distortion to his features. No anger....nothing.
I don’t know why you’re acting this way but if you’re hurting inside....I just want you to know that it’s going to be alright.....time heals all wounds......and I’ll be here to help you....I’ll always be here min woo...until.....one day....you don’t need me anymore....
Angel kept glancing at min woo throughout their trip home, afraid. She wasn’t sure exactly what it was she was afraid of but her heart could not stop thumping in a continual rapid pace that made her unable to bring to an end her shaking. She felt uneasy, like something was going to happen but she just couldn’t pin it down. Min woo was too calm for her liking.
