Chapter 22
Min woo was woken by the sound of an alert from his computer. He didn’t know when he had fallen asleep on the table but a glance at the time on his computer notified him that the sun would be rising soon, signalling a new day ahead. Min woo rubbed his eyes and checked his email at once. When he read through the short email, min woo’s eyes lit up and he took a deep breath to calm himself down. The email was composed of three short sentences but these few words had the power to bring min woo out of the misery and hell he was living in. It was like a light in a dark room, helping him spot the exit.
Min woo’s shaky hand reached for his cell phone and when he flipped it open, Angel’s smiling face greeted him. He had placed this picture in his phone ever since she left. It provided him a sanctuary when he was exhausted and about to surrender. Her smiling face encouraged and reduced the amount of torture he experienced through this extended nightmare. When was it going to end?
He slowly pressed in the numbers using the soft keys on his cell and when he brought the phone to his ear, the ringing sped up his heart rate.
“Hello?”
He nearly stopped breathing when he heard the familiar voice over the line.
“Hello.....Angel?”
Calling out her name, he felt a great sense of longing. Even her name could bring such a rush of emotions towards him.
“Who is this?”
The voice inquired with a trace of suspicion.
“It’s me.”
“Lee....Lee....min woo?”
She asked thoroughly surprised and scared.
“Yes, it’s me...how....are you?”
He didn’t want to admit it but to hear her say his name with such a distant and unfamiliar tone, his heart ached.
“I’m pretty good. Did you want something?”
“I.....want to see you....”
He said slowly and when there was no reply after awhile, he spoke out again.
“Angel? I said I want to see you....”
She sighed but replied this time.
“Is it....really necessary?”
“For me....yes.”
“Okay then, I guess it really is time to end this once and for all. The park near my café. 12 tomorrow.”
“End...? No....I want-”
“I’ll see you tomorrow.”
A click was heard before min woo finished his sentence. Min woo listened to the beeping until he eventually talked himself into hanging up. Even if he didn’t let go, she would still never come back. Everything would be decided tomorrow. Everything. Min woo promised himself no matter what was to happen, there would definitely be a conclusion. For better or for worse.....
* * * * *
Min woo didn’t know how he dressed properly in the morning with everything that was on his mind and the reflection of himself that appeared in the mirror before he stepped outside caused a immense amount of tension. His sweater was on the wrong way round, his socks were of different colours and he totally forgot about his hair. How could he possibly face Angel in such a state?
Running his fingers through his hair, min woo felt another sense of longing for Angel. It seemed like an eternity ago when she use to wake up every morning and blow dry his hair for him. Nothing seemed to be the way they used to be without her. When he had thought about the days before they got married, min woo didn’t know how he managed to live through all that time without her. How did he do it? Why couldn’t he do it now?
You came and changed everything.....but when I turned around ready to accept the changes.....you walked away......now here I am.....stuck between two worlds.....a new world I want to grasp onto but can’t.....an old world that I want to walk away from but can’t......there is no familiarity for me to hold onto anymore.....I’m scared, I’m worried.....but when I think about you.....whatever that will happen.....will be worth it......
Maybe.....you are the familiarity I’ve been clutching onto for so long.....but now that you’re......changing......I’ve lost the light ahead of me.....I’ve lost my way......you destroyed all my denial and brought me to this......unfamiliar place.....
I don’t mind....I can start over again......but you have to be beside me Angel....please.....where am I going to start without you?
Min woo’s father came from behind and patted him on the shoulders in support. Min woo stared at his father’s figure in the mirror in determination.
“I’m not going to lose her....”
“Did you ever?”
His father’s short words made min woo jerk around instantly.
“What do you mean? Did she say-”
“It’s time that you found out for yourself....”
He pushed min woo to the already open door and before letting go of his arm, min woo’s father whispered something near min woo’s ear and then shut the door.
* * * * *
Define losing someone and then ask yourself whether you had ever lost her.... * * * * *
Min woo felt so light that it wouldn’t have been a lie to say he was floating towards Angel. All the emotions and words that had been weighing him down these past few weeks rose up and relieved him from the pain. There she was, sitting so peacefully observing the tranquil surroundings with a faint smile. She looked so composed, as if nothing could barge into her own little world. Min woo could not even bring himself to accuse her of hiding emotions because he knew it was true, she had no emotions anymore.
“Angel....”
He called softly, standing in front of her. She diverted her attention towards her caller and when she looked up and saw his exhausted face, there were no change of feelings worn on her face. She stood up and walked towards the undisturbed lake without looking at min woo. He followed behind and they both stopped in front of the lake. Angel took in a deep breath and then turned to him.
“Ok, you wanted to see me so here I am.”
She said coldly, unafraid to stare him in the eyes. His appearance was noticed by Angel but she said nothing. She didn’t want to give him any hope, anything that could let him catch on to her real emotions.
He wasn’t taken back by her attitude and smiled in reaction to her words.
You have the right.....I don’t blame you for being like this....
As long as she heard him out, min woo never minded enduring any sort of pain or ridicule.
“I’m sorry...”
“You don’t need to be.” She answered shortly after.
“Look, couldn’t you give me a chance to explain everything?” He asked frustrated with her tone of voice.
“If I didn’t want to give you a chance, I wouldn’t be here right now.” She said not looking at him. Min woo gave a shudder but continued on. Who was he to expect anything from her?
“Why did you leave and these....what are they for?” He held out some papers and waited for her to turn away from the lake but she didn’t.
“I left because I didn’t feel the need to stay anymore. Those papers, like it says at the top, divorce papers. I don’t want anything. Just sign the last page and send it to my lawyer.” She answered both his questions with a straight face and monotone.
“Who said I agreed to this divorce?”
“I’m not forcing you to sign. It’s just a piece of paper anyway, not like it can change anything.”
Min woo stared at Angel in awe.
Here I was thinking I could keep her from leaving just because of a piece of paper....
You’ve really seen through everything haven’t you Angel.....?
“If this is what it’s about then can I go now? There’s no use discussing over a few pieces of paper.”
“NO...you have to hear me out.”
He caught her arm as she brushed past him and pulled her back in front of him. She shrugged carelessly and looked at his grip. Min woo loosened his hand when he was sure she wasn’t going anywhere and saw a vast patch of redness on her snow white arm. Angel took her arm back and waited.
“I missed you Angel, I really did. I guess this might all come to you in a sudden but I’ve only just realised all this myself. I thought a lot about you and us at Hawaii and I have finally realised how much I need you. I always thought you would be there whenever I needed you because you have been there for the past few years. It was only when you left my side that I finally knew how much pain I must have put you through. I took you for granted but now I understand. I see now, everything you’ve done for me and soo jin. That must have taken so much courage and sacrifice. I appreciate everything. Please give me another chance, I can make it up to you. Let me make it up to you. I didn’t cherish your love before but that doesn’t mean I don’t care for you. I always had cared, it’s just that I’ve never come to really comprehend the emotion I had for you beyond the caring. I’m so sorry Angel. I was blind for so long-”
“I’ve always given you good advice no? Let me advise you one last thing. Continue your blindness. So all of a sudden you see the world around you but you need time, time to adjust, time to understand, time to learn. Everything is new to you. Min woo, I don’t have time to wait.” She cut him off, not wanting to hear anymore.
“If you wanted to, you have all the time in the world.”
“If you put it that way, fine. I don’t want to.” She said harshly.
You don’t know the first thing to waiting.....so don’t suddenly come up to me and tell me to wait....all my life.....I’ve waited.....for you.....I don’t have the time anymore.....or most importantly.....the trust in myself......
Min woo staggered a few steps back from Angel and took in a sharp breath. Those words, if he had not heard it just then, he would never have believed it came from Angel’s lips.
“How can you say that? Angel?”
“What do you know about me Lee min woo? How would you possibly know what I could say or couldn’t say?” She replied with a question of her own. Min woo clenched his fists and didn’t know what to say because it was true. He knew nothing about this girl in front of him yet he claims to love her. What did he love about her? What did they have in common? Why does he love her? He didn’t know. But he wasn’t about to give up, not until the very end.
“I’m not going to deny it but Angel....I love you.”
Angel’s eyes lit up and widened at his sudden confession but then dimmed once again. She smiled at him for the first time and her eyes softened.
“I loved you.”
“NO!! STOP LYING. Angel please don’t say that. Why don’t you admit it? You still have feelings for me! Just say it dammit.”
He lost control and shouted at her. The brim of his eyes glimmered with tears. Angel didn’t admit or deny his allegations.
“If it makes you feel any better, I can admit it but do you really want me to lie?” She asked softly. Min woo stared at her face and saw pain in her eyes. She was suffering too. To Angel’s surprise, a single teardrop slid down his face silently. He said nothing, and let the tears run down one by one.
“I don’t want it to be the end. Have I really lost you?”
Angel wiped a tear from his cheek and shook her head.
“What comes, comes. Let it go min woo. Move on.”
“How can I move on? How can you tell me to let go of something so special? Someone that means the world to me? Angel.....couldn’t you reconsider? I promise-”
“Your promises mean nothing anymore.”
Min woo stopped mid sentence and couldn’t continue. Promises, did he even know what they meant?
Angel slid her hand down his face and brought herself closer. Closing her eyes, she found his lips with hers and kissed his lightly. Just as min woo wanted to bring her closer, she let go of him and stepped back. A kiss had never tasted so bitter.
“I’m sorry it has to end like this but to it’s time we ended this thing that never should have started in the beginning....”
“WAIT. ANGEL.”
She stopped while walking away from him but didn’t turn around.
“I have just a few questions...”
“I’m listening.”
“What’s your favourite food, animal, number, piece of clothing and song?”
He called out to her and upon hearing the question, Angel’s steps began again and as she disappeared, his questions were answered.
“Japanese food, tigers, seven, jeans and.....I’m not sure right now....goodbye Min woo......”
She vanished, and min woo’s lips curled upwards in a painful smile.
She likes Japanese food.....tigers....the number seven.....and jeans.....I’ll remember that....always.....I promise....and I won’t break this promise to you Angel.....you’ll see.....but.....why won’t you tell me your favourite song? That’s one less thing you leave me with.....I never imagined the end to be like this.....never......
I can’t seem to answer the questions......for better or for worse? But like you once said.....some things are better left unanswered.....this I guess.....is one of those things.....
Min woo took out a small black box and stared at it. Without much thought, he threw it into the air and watched it fall to the lake. It was the glass slippers he never had the chance to give Angel.
Chapter 23
*A few days later*
Min woo stepped out of the car and walked towards the house. Nearing the gates, he saw the end of a bright apple green envelope protruding from the mailbox. The colour jerked his heart and instinctively, he reached out and pulled the envelope out. There was no name on the front but he had a feeling this letter was definitely for his eyes. He carefully opened the envelope and took out an origami paper love heart. He unfolded it cautiously and a page of such familiar handwriting bewildered him. Finding a spot on the steps outside, he settled down and started with the letter.
Dear Min Woo,
Surprised? So am I but I think after you read this letter, you will understand. That day when I walked away from you, I wasn’t as in control as you thought. Your tears tore my heart into pieces but I couldn’t let you know that because I was too scared you wouldn’t let go. The hurt and ache only came through when I turned my back on you.
I’m writing this letter to draw a full stop to our story. But before that I have to tell you, I have never regretted any moment of my life with you and I do hope you feel the same way. No matter the hurt, the pain, the loneliness, if I had the chance to live my life over I wouldn’t change a thing.
I guess I should start from the beginning, when I first saw you. Just at one glance you intrigued me beyond belief, to think a stranger could pull at my heartstrings like so. Then we became friends over time, I began to understand you and you had never kept anything from me and so this brings soo jin into the story. I loved her like a dongseng but I always had a bit of envy for her. The way you looked at her, treasured her, loved her, these were all the things that slowly shattered my heart. But I was always strong and held on, I knew you and soo jin needed me to be there so I never moved. Like you said, I was always there wasn’t I? I picked out soo jin’s presents, I talked to her when she needed help, I listened to her problems and why? Because of you. I wanted to do something for you.
I thought my job was finished when you announced your marriage. There I was, waiting to be soo jin’s bridesmaid but then everything went disarray. Danny was pulled into the picture, he took away soo jin from you but he brought us together. Maybe we didn’t take vows out of love but I believed as long as I could be with you, nothing would actually matter.
The best days of my life were the days spent with you after our marriage. Not scared to tell you a secret, I thought maybe you had grown to love me after our time together but I guess I was being my stupid self. I kept telling myself not to expect too much but every time I saw you and the way you would look at me, I grew to want more and more until....I lost you completely. The shock, the horror, you couldn’t begin to understand what I was going through but it was when you took soo jin to Hawaii, I was kicked back into reality. In a way, I’m thankful.
You might be wondering why Hawaii disturbed me so much. I have nothing to hide so I might as well spill everything. I knew that trip was planned for my birthday and late honeymoon. I saw it in your scheduler by accident one day. My whole world was trampled on when you told me you were taking soo jin to Hawaii. My head told me to keep calm and that soo jin needed it more but my heart wouldn’t agree and who could ever argue with their heart? I tried to see through it all but this is what it has come down to. It was hard letting go but this once, just once, I felt I could really do it.
It was a long and hard journey but we survived. You went through just as much as me and maybe even more but it’s time we made a fresh start. Don’t cling to the past like the way I clung to something that could never have been mine. The result is right in front of your eyes min woo.
You never did lose me min woo, we both made the same mistake. You can’t lose something you never had. I was always there in front of you waiting for you to reach in a hand and take me to your world but it never happened. I’m walking away but it shouldn’t hurt so much because I had never stepped into your world after all. It’s time that I woke up.
Maybe one day when we meet again, there will be smiles on our faces and we would greet each other like old friends. Nothing’s predictable, especially life.
So this brings me to the end. Broken vows, broken promises, broken heart. It’s time to heal. Good bye Lee min woo. Goodbye the one I had loved so deeply. Goodbye my....prince charming....I will think of you.
Love,
Angel
PS I can answer your last question now. If you ever have the time you might want to listen to Condition of My Heart. That’s my favourite song and I think it will be for a very long time.
Justin Guarini
Condition of My Heart
How much time has passed since you said goodbye
Got your message today asking how am I
Well I'm doing just fine
To admit the truth
Hasn’t crossed my mind
All I needed was some time
Was it always this strong?
I remember all how I cried
The night that you said goodbye
You expected me to die
But I made a brand new start
And got on with my life
I did what I had to do
To get myself over you
I'm not falling apart
You underestimate the condition of my heart
There was a time
You were every breath of mine
I was ready to give the rest of my life
You walked away
And now you're saying you can walk right back into my life
Like nothing happened and I won't put up a fight
No, you left me all alone
I want to know, where were you when I cried?
The night that you said goodbye
You expected me to die
But I made a brand new start
And got on with my life
I did what I had to do
To get myself over you
I'm not falling apart
You underestimate the condition of my heart
I think you said all that you need to say
Cause it's not gonna matter anyway
Am I getting through to you
I've heard it all before
And now you've changed your mind
You lost your only chance
When you said goodbye
I wanna know
Where were you when I cried?
The night that you said goodbye
You expected me to die
But I made a brand new start
And got on with my life
I did what I had to do
To get myself over you
I'm not falling apart
You underestimate the condition of my heart
You underestimate the condition of my heart
Epilogue
The prince walked towards me with the glass slippers and I tried them on in excitement but to our surprise, my feet could not fit in the slippers that I had stepped around in so gracefully just a night before. What happened? I tried and tried to fit into the slippers but no matter how hard I tried, it just wouldn’t fit. With tears in my eyes, I looked up at my prince in helplessness. Deep frown lines illustrated his face and he motioned for me to try them on again. I nodded in determination and looked down, the glass slippers were nowhere in sight. They just disappeared into thin air. I finally looked up smiling at my confused prince. I shook my head and shrugged.
“They were never mine after all…”
I pulled myself away from his grasp and turned to walk into a dimension of mist. I did not look back once. So those were the slippers, they come when they like, can change their size at any time, can vanish just like that. I once believed they actually belonged to me and me only. Stupidity? Not really, I was just naïve.
The end
