写这备忘录给你，基于三个原则：
l 人生福祸无常，谁也不知可以活多久，有些事情还是早一点说好。
l 我是你的父亲，我不跟你说，没有人会跟你说。
l 这备忘录里记载的，都是我经过惨痛失败得回来的体验，可以为你的成长省回不少冤枉路。
Thursday, July 28, 2011
[转载]父亲写给儿子的话
Cinderella - Angel JJ [chapter 22+23+epi] END
Chapter 22
Min woo was woken by the sound of an alert from his computer. He didn’t know when he had fallen asleep on the table but a glance at the time on his computer notified him that the sun would be rising soon, signalling a new day ahead. Min woo rubbed his eyes and checked his email at once. When he read through the short email, min woo’s eyes lit up and he took a deep breath to calm himself down. The email was composed of three short sentences but these few words had the power to bring min woo out of the misery and hell he was living in. It was like a light in a dark room, helping him spot the exit.
Min woo’s shaky hand reached for his cell phone and when he flipped it open, Angel’s smiling face greeted him. He had placed this picture in his phone ever since she left. It provided him a sanctuary when he was exhausted and about to surrender. Her smiling face encouraged and reduced the amount of torture he experienced through this extended nightmare. When was it going to end?
He slowly pressed in the numbers using the soft keys on his cell and when he brought the phone to his ear, the ringing sped up his heart rate.
“Hello?”
He nearly stopped breathing when he heard the familiar voice over the line.
“Hello.....Angel?”
Calling out her name, he felt a great sense of longing. Even her name could bring such a rush of emotions towards him.
“Who is this?”
The voice inquired with a trace of suspicion.
“It’s me.”
“Lee....Lee....min woo?”
She asked thoroughly surprised and scared.
“Yes, it’s me...how....are you?”
He didn’t want to admit it but to hear her say his name with such a distant and unfamiliar tone, his heart ached.
“I’m pretty good. Did you want something?”
“I.....want to see you....”
He said slowly and when there was no reply after awhile, he spoke out again.
“Angel? I said I want to see you....”
She sighed but replied this time.
“Is it....really necessary?”
“For me....yes.”
“Okay then, I guess it really is time to end this once and for all. The park near my café. 12 tomorrow.”
“End...? No....I want-”
“I’ll see you tomorrow.”
A click was heard before min woo finished his sentence. Min woo listened to the beeping until he eventually talked himself into hanging up. Even if he didn’t let go, she would still never come back. Everything would be decided tomorrow. Everything. Min woo promised himself no matter what was to happen, there would definitely be a conclusion. For better or for worse.....
* * * * *
Min woo didn’t know how he dressed properly in the morning with everything that was on his mind and the reflection of himself that appeared in the mirror before he stepped outside caused a immense amount of tension. His sweater was on the wrong way round, his socks were of different colours and he totally forgot about his hair. How could he possibly face Angel in such a state?
Running his fingers through his hair, min woo felt another sense of longing for Angel. It seemed like an eternity ago when she use to wake up every morning and blow dry his hair for him. Nothing seemed to be the way they used to be without her. When he had thought about the days before they got married, min woo didn’t know how he managed to live through all that time without her. How did he do it? Why couldn’t he do it now?
You came and changed everything.....but when I turned around ready to accept the changes.....you walked away......now here I am.....stuck between two worlds.....a new world I want to grasp onto but can’t.....an old world that I want to walk away from but can’t......there is no familiarity for me to hold onto anymore.....I’m scared, I’m worried.....but when I think about you.....whatever that will happen.....will be worth it......
Maybe.....you are the familiarity I’ve been clutching onto for so long.....but now that you’re......changing......I’ve lost the light ahead of me.....I’ve lost my way......you destroyed all my denial and brought me to this......unfamiliar place.....
I don’t mind....I can start over again......but you have to be beside me Angel....please.....where am I going to start without you?
Min woo’s father came from behind and patted him on the shoulders in support. Min woo stared at his father’s figure in the mirror in determination.
“I’m not going to lose her....”
“Did you ever?”
His father’s short words made min woo jerk around instantly.
“What do you mean? Did she say-”
“It’s time that you found out for yourself....”
He pushed min woo to the already open door and before letting go of his arm, min woo’s father whispered something near min woo’s ear and then shut the door.
* * * * *
Define losing someone and then ask yourself whether you had ever lost her.... * * * * *
Min woo felt so light that it wouldn’t have been a lie to say he was floating towards Angel. All the emotions and words that had been weighing him down these past few weeks rose up and relieved him from the pain. There she was, sitting so peacefully observing the tranquil surroundings with a faint smile. She looked so composed, as if nothing could barge into her own little world. Min woo could not even bring himself to accuse her of hiding emotions because he knew it was true, she had no emotions anymore.
“Angel....”
He called softly, standing in front of her. She diverted her attention towards her caller and when she looked up and saw his exhausted face, there were no change of feelings worn on her face. She stood up and walked towards the undisturbed lake without looking at min woo. He followed behind and they both stopped in front of the lake. Angel took in a deep breath and then turned to him.
“Ok, you wanted to see me so here I am.”
She said coldly, unafraid to stare him in the eyes. His appearance was noticed by Angel but she said nothing. She didn’t want to give him any hope, anything that could let him catch on to her real emotions.
He wasn’t taken back by her attitude and smiled in reaction to her words.
You have the right.....I don’t blame you for being like this....
As long as she heard him out, min woo never minded enduring any sort of pain or ridicule.
“I’m sorry...”
“You don’t need to be.” She answered shortly after.
“Look, couldn’t you give me a chance to explain everything?” He asked frustrated with her tone of voice.
“If I didn’t want to give you a chance, I wouldn’t be here right now.” She said not looking at him. Min woo gave a shudder but continued on. Who was he to expect anything from her?
“Why did you leave and these....what are they for?” He held out some papers and waited for her to turn away from the lake but she didn’t.
“I left because I didn’t feel the need to stay anymore. Those papers, like it says at the top, divorce papers. I don’t want anything. Just sign the last page and send it to my lawyer.” She answered both his questions with a straight face and monotone.
“Who said I agreed to this divorce?”
“I’m not forcing you to sign. It’s just a piece of paper anyway, not like it can change anything.”
Min woo stared at Angel in awe.
Here I was thinking I could keep her from leaving just because of a piece of paper....
You’ve really seen through everything haven’t you Angel.....?
“If this is what it’s about then can I go now? There’s no use discussing over a few pieces of paper.”
“NO...you have to hear me out.”
He caught her arm as she brushed past him and pulled her back in front of him. She shrugged carelessly and looked at his grip. Min woo loosened his hand when he was sure she wasn’t going anywhere and saw a vast patch of redness on her snow white arm. Angel took her arm back and waited.
“I missed you Angel, I really did. I guess this might all come to you in a sudden but I’ve only just realised all this myself. I thought a lot about you and us at
“I’ve always given you good advice no? Let me advise you one last thing. Continue your blindness. So all of a sudden you see the world around you but you need time, time to adjust, time to understand, time to learn. Everything is new to you. Min woo, I don’t have time to wait.” She cut him off, not wanting to hear anymore.
“If you wanted to, you have all the time in the world.”
“If you put it that way, fine. I don’t want to.” She said harshly.
You don’t know the first thing to waiting.....so don’t suddenly come up to me and tell me to wait....all my life.....I’ve waited.....for you.....I don’t have the time anymore.....or most importantly.....the trust in myself......
Min woo staggered a few steps back from Angel and took in a sharp breath. Those words, if he had not heard it just then, he would never have believed it came from Angel’s lips.
“How can you say that? Angel?”
“What do you know about me Lee min woo? How would you possibly know what I could say or couldn’t say?” She replied with a question of her own. Min woo clenched his fists and didn’t know what to say because it was true. He knew nothing about this girl in front of him yet he claims to love her. What did he love about her? What did they have in common? Why does he love her? He didn’t know. But he wasn’t about to give up, not until the very end.
“I’m not going to deny it but Angel....I love you.”
Angel’s eyes lit up and widened at his sudden confession but then dimmed once again. She smiled at him for the first time and her eyes softened.
“I loved you.”
“NO!! STOP LYING. Angel please don’t say that. Why don’t you admit it? You still have feelings for me! Just say it dammit.”
He lost control and shouted at her. The brim of his eyes glimmered with tears. Angel didn’t admit or deny his allegations.
“If it makes you feel any better, I can admit it but do you really want me to lie?” She asked softly. Min woo stared at her face and saw pain in her eyes. She was suffering too. To Angel’s surprise, a single teardrop slid down his face silently. He said nothing, and let the tears run down one by one.
“I don’t want it to be the end. Have I really lost you?”
Angel wiped a tear from his cheek and shook her head.
“What comes, comes. Let it go min woo. Move on.”
“How can I move on? How can you tell me to let go of something so special? Someone that means the world to me? Angel.....couldn’t you reconsider? I promise-”
“Your promises mean nothing anymore.”
Min woo stopped mid sentence and couldn’t continue. Promises, did he even know what they meant?
Angel slid her hand down his face and brought herself closer. Closing her eyes, she found his lips with hers and kissed his lightly. Just as min woo wanted to bring her closer, she let go of him and stepped back. A kiss had never tasted so bitter.
“I’m sorry it has to end like this but to it’s time we ended this thing that never should have started in the beginning....”
“WAIT. ANGEL.”
She stopped while walking away from him but didn’t turn around.
“I have just a few questions...”
“I’m listening.”
“What’s your favourite food, animal, number, piece of clothing and song?”
He called out to her and upon hearing the question, Angel’s steps began again and as she disappeared, his questions were answered.
“Japanese food, tigers, seven, jeans and.....I’m not sure right now....goodbye Min woo......”
She vanished, and min woo’s lips curled upwards in a painful smile.
She likes Japanese food.....tigers....the number seven.....and jeans.....I’ll remember that....always.....I promise....and I won’t break this promise to you Angel.....you’ll see.....but.....why won’t you tell me your favourite song? That’s one less thing you leave me with.....I never imagined the end to be like this.....never......
I can’t seem to answer the questions......for better or for worse? But like you once said.....some things are better left unanswered.....this I guess.....is one of those things.....
Min woo took out a small black box and stared at it. Without much thought, he threw it into the air and watched it fall to the lake. It was the glass slippers he never had the chance to give Angel.
Chapter 23
*A few days later*
Min woo stepped out of the car and walked towards the house. Nearing the gates, he saw the end of a bright apple green envelope protruding from the mailbox. The colour jerked his heart and instinctively, he reached out and pulled the envelope out. There was no name on the front but he had a feeling this letter was definitely for his eyes. He carefully opened the envelope and took out an origami paper love heart. He unfolded it cautiously and a page of such familiar handwriting bewildered him. Finding a spot on the steps outside, he settled down and started with the letter.
Dear Min Woo,
Surprised? So am I but I think after you read this letter, you will understand. That day when I walked away from you, I wasn’t as in control as you thought. Your tears tore my heart into pieces but I couldn’t let you know that because I was too scared you wouldn’t let go. The hurt and ache only came through when I turned my back on you.
I’m writing this letter to draw a full stop to our story. But before that I have to tell you, I have never regretted any moment of my life with you and I do hope you feel the same way. No matter the hurt, the pain, the loneliness, if I had the chance to live my life over I wouldn’t change a thing.
I guess I should start from the beginning, when I first saw you. Just at one glance you intrigued me beyond belief, to think a stranger could pull at my heartstrings like so. Then we became friends over time, I began to understand you and you had never kept anything from me and so this brings soo jin into the story. I loved her like a dongseng but I always had a bit of envy for her. The way you looked at her, treasured her, loved her, these were all the things that slowly shattered my heart. But I was always strong and held on, I knew you and soo jin needed me to be there so I never moved. Like you said, I was always there wasn’t I? I picked out soo jin’s presents, I talked to her when she needed help, I listened to her problems and why? Because of you. I wanted to do something for you.
I thought my job was finished when you announced your marriage. There I was, waiting to be soo jin’s bridesmaid but then everything went disarray. Danny was pulled into the picture, he took away soo jin from you but he brought us together. Maybe we didn’t take vows out of love but I believed as long as I could be with you, nothing would actually matter.
The best days of my life were the days spent with you after our marriage. Not scared to tell you a secret, I thought maybe you had grown to love me after our time together but I guess I was being my stupid self. I kept telling myself not to expect too much but every time I saw you and the way you would look at me, I grew to want more and more until....I lost you completely. The shock, the horror, you couldn’t begin to understand what I was going through but it was when you took soo jin to
You might be wondering why
It was a long and hard journey but we survived. You went through just as much as me and maybe even more but it’s time we made a fresh start. Don’t cling to the past like the way I clung to something that could never have been mine. The result is right in front of your eyes min woo.
You never did lose me min woo, we both made the same mistake. You can’t lose something you never had. I was always there in front of you waiting for you to reach in a hand and take me to your world but it never happened. I’m walking away but it shouldn’t hurt so much because I had never stepped into your world after all. It’s time that I woke up.
Maybe one day when we meet again, there will be smiles on our faces and we would greet each other like old friends. Nothing’s predictable, especially life.
So this brings me to the end. Broken vows, broken promises, broken heart. It’s time to heal. Good bye Lee min woo. Goodbye the one I had loved so deeply. Goodbye my....prince charming....I will think of you.
Love,
Angel
PS I can answer your last question now. If you ever have the time you might want to listen to Condition of My Heart. That’s my favourite song and I think it will be for a very long time.
Justin Guarini
Condition of My Heart
How much time has passed since you said goodbye
Got your message today asking how am I
Well I'm doing just fine
To admit the truth
Hasn’t crossed my mind
All I needed was some time
Was it always this strong?
I remember all how I cried
The night that you said goodbye
You expected me to die
But I made a brand new start
And got on with my life
I did what I had to do
To get myself over you
I'm not falling apart
You underestimate the condition of my heart
There was a time
You were every breath of mine
I was ready to give the rest of my life
You walked away
And now you're saying you can walk right back into my life
Like nothing happened and I won't put up a fight
No, you left me all alone
I want to know, where were you when I cried?
The night that you said goodbye
You expected me to die
But I made a brand new start
And got on with my life
I did what I had to do
To get myself over you
I'm not falling apart
You underestimate the condition of my heart
I think you said all that you need to say
Cause it's not gonna matter anyway
Am I getting through to you
I've heard it all before
And now you've changed your mind
You lost your only chance
When you said goodbye
I wanna know
Where were you when I cried?
The night that you said goodbye
You expected me to die
But I made a brand new start
And got on with my life
I did what I had to do
To get myself over you
I'm not falling apart
You underestimate the condition of my heart
You underestimate the condition of my heart
Epilogue
The prince walked towards me with the glass slippers and I tried them on in excitement but to our surprise, my feet could not fit in the slippers that I had stepped around in so gracefully just a night before. What happened? I tried and tried to fit into the slippers but no matter how hard I tried, it just wouldn’t fit. With tears in my eyes, I looked up at my prince in helplessness. Deep frown lines illustrated his face and he motioned for me to try them on again. I nodded in determination and looked down, the glass slippers were nowhere in sight. They just disappeared into thin air. I finally looked up smiling at my confused prince. I shook my head and shrugged.
“They were never mine after all…”
I pulled myself away from his grasp and turned to walk into a dimension of mist. I did not look back once. So those were the slippers, they come when they like, can change their size at any time, can vanish just like that. I once believed they actually belonged to me and me only. Stupidity? Not really, I was just naïve.
The end
Cinderella - Angel JJ [chapter 20 + 21]
Chapter 20
Min woo and soo jin walked side by side along the beach as the sun set on their sides. It had been the second day already and they would return the next morning to
“Oppa.....”
Soo jin called to min woo softly. He turned his head her way and only waited for her to continue. Soo jin suddenly stopped in her tracks and stepped in front of min woo. He stared at her startled but remained silent.
“Oppa I’ve made up my mind....”
Still min woo said nothing, a strange feeling penetrated him but he couldn’t pin it down exactly. Something about soo jin irked him.
“I don’t know why I was so blind before.....leaving with Danny......when the person who loved me most was right in front of me.....I know I’m not being fair to Angel unnie but.....I need you oppa.....and now that I see.....”
Her voice trailed off and soo jin took another step closer towards min woo, their bodies now touching. She wrapped both arms around min woo’s neck brought her face closer to his until they could feel each other’s warm breath.
Min woo’s eyes widened and his body was shocked into frozen state. Everything was a blur in his mind, thoughts roaming around so fast that he couldn’t collect and make sense of anything that seemed to just appear. Soo jin’s lush lips were only a centimetre or less from his yet all he felt was confusion. How was that possible? Why didn’t he bring her in close and cover her cherry red lips with his, like he always wanted to? Why didn’t he hug her tightly and tell her how happy he was to hear her say that? Why.....did this blurry figure keep distracting him? Shaking his head to rid of the unwanted thoughts, min woo felt bothered and angry. He didn’t understand the way this scenario seemed to be developing and didn’t want it to continue this way but it did. The blurry image that was distracting kept gnawing at his patience. In a sudden, min woo pushed away the pale and shaking girl in front of him.
Soo jin fell to the ground in a thud but her reaction was what astonished min woo. She sat in the sand staring up at him while rubbing her sore behind but she was smiling all the same and through that smile she communicated to him words of gratitude and relief. It was a pained smile but to min woo it was this crack that allowed min woo to see through soo jin’s thoughts.
“You’re....not over him are you...?”
“Even if I was.....it wouldn’t have made a difference.....”
She replied with a hint of acknowledgement.
“What....do...you....mean...?”
Soo jin only smiled and stood up. She looked out towards the horizon and took a deep breath.
“I’ve always had a thing for sunsets.....what about you oppa?”
She murmured and asked him randomly.
“....I like watching the sun rise.....”
He said watching her facial expressions from the side. Soo jin smiled and turned her head around to look him in the eyes.
“Funny.......so does Angel unnie....”
With that soo jin turned her back to min woo and continued forward up the deserted beach, kicking the crystal clear water as it washed up shore.
So does Angel unnie......
Soo jin’s words swirled around min woo’s mind disorientating his train of thoughts once again. At the mention of Angel his heart jerked and missed a beat. Min woo abruptly came to comprehend what it was that had been tugging at his suppressed emotions these two days.
Angel.....
The blurred images gradually came into perspective and to his surprise, they were all images of Angel. Her smiling face, her laughing eyes and her angry pout, min woo felt as if he was discovering a whole new world in his mind, hid behind a door he never even knew was there. Where did the key come from?
* * * * *
Min woo walked by himself against the gentle breeze in his face, treading on the clear and icy water. He didn’t know when he had started this walk or how long he had been walking. He just knew he wanted to keep walking until he came to some sort of destination, end or conclusion. In search for that something he knew was there but was too ignorant to appreciate before. But who could he blame when it was himself that invisiblised this happiness waiting for just a glimpse from him. Looking ahead, he could see the small glint of light and finally now he was making a move and grasping the chance to locate the exit from this undeniably idealised world he had never thought he would want to let go of. That is until now, she brought light into his world, she brought happiness, she brought him a chance to find himself. Min woo began to contemplate his reasons beneath his cling to this love for soo jin. Angel ripped his icy wall of protection down layer by layer with her bright personality and understanding. He couldn’t think of one time when she wasn’t there supporting him. Thinking hard now, min woo at long last began to value and recognize the reason why she was there for him at all. It was because of one word, love. She loved him and he didn’t know from when it started but.....he loved her too.
His mind replayed back to three days before when she had turned around and walked away from their taxi. He longed for her to turn around and wave, he longed for her to smile and tell him that she would be waiting until he came back, he longed for her all in all. When her figure edged away from the taxi, min woo had a strong urge to rush out and pull her into his arms but he stepped and trodded on all these snippets of feelings that seemed to reveal themself when he wasn’t careful. He didn’t want these feelings, these urges, these desires he was losing control of more and more.
The flicker of sorrow in her eyes when he refused to speak and only stared at her silently in the car pulled at his heart strings. Min woo didn’t know where these memories came from but they seemed to be all stored in the back of his mind and ready for retrieval whenever he wanted. Her smile, her pout, the twinkle in her eyes and the dimple in her right cheek were all swirling instinctively in his mind. He loved the girl but was he going to lose her for realising too late?
I was blind....I didn’t see....I couldn’t see.....I’m sorry Angel.....maybe it was because I actually didn’t want to see......I was scared......I was a coward......and hurt you so deep.....
I don’t ask for your forgiveness because I don’t think I deserve it......but give me a chance to explain.....to tell you how much I really do love you....I may not have been the best husband but I’ll change...I promise.....please don’t tell me it’s too late Angel....I’ve lost a lot in my life and.....I don’t think I can afford losing anymore.....I can smile and wait for the pain to go away when I lose anything else.....but to lose you....I can’t even begin to imagine the agony......
Taking in a deep breath, min woo sat down on the sand and stared up into the vast sheet of dark blue satin studded with diamonds shining so dazzlingly. Each speckle of twinkling reminded him of Angel.
Starlight,
Star bright,
I wish I may,
I wish I might,
Have this wish,
I wish tonight
Angel, if you can hear me right now.....don’t go......please......the look in your eyes when we left.....I have so much to tell you.....I want to share my feelings with you......the one’s I’ve been shamelessly hiding.....and despising.......I’m sorry.......I know now.....just don’t tell me it’s too late.....don’t......
Min woo reached in his pocket and pulled out a small black box and pulled the lip open to reveal something reflecting off the starlight and shining just as brightly as the jewels in the sky. Inside was a pair of miniature slippers cut from pink diamonds and attached on the sides of each slipper was a tiny green bow cut from a green gemstone.
Just let me put these on your hands.......like I was supposed to that morning....I don’t know what stopped me...but.....when I saw your hopeful eyes......I couldn’t......I was too afraid to show you this....and confront the fierce rush of emotions......I didn’t know what to think....what it meant....what I wanted it to mean....but now I do....and when I place this in your palms.....I want to tell you......since a long time ago.....when I didn’t even know....I fell in love with you.......
* * * * *
“OPPA!”
Soo jin slapped min woo on the shoulder and gave him a look. He shrugged and gave a helpless look. Ever since they settled down in their seats on the plane, min woo couldn’t keep still and being nearly four hours into the trip back, soo jin was getting slightly irritated. She was trying to get some rest in her seat but min woo would keep her awake by either making a lot of noise while eating onion rings or hit her once in awhile by accident when he reached to the side for his luggage to look for something to do. Somehow an excited and uncompressible emotion surged through him and he could almost feel his heart leap over the oceans and fly back to
Wait for me Angel....I’m nearly there......
He stroked the satin box enclosed by his hand with a thumb and wore a secret smile. All his thoughts and feelings and love were sheltered in that one small box and when he hands it over to Angel, he will be free from constraint.
Watching min woo from the corner of her eye, soo jin let out a sigh of relief and lifted up the window screen on the side to let some light in. Looking out, she observed the fluffy white clouds and translucent azure. When she was little, looking up at the sky and searching for the Angels with wings would be one of her favourite hobbies. She believed they were always up there looking over and protecting her. Now she knew she was wrong, there were no Angels in the sky looking down on her, it wasn’t the Angels that stood up for her whenever she was bullied, no Angel ever turned up when she was faced with a problem. Unless, that Angel was Lee min woo. A silent tear slid down her face but she made no move to wipe it off her face. The tears were holding special meanings that she wanted to let go of now.
You never know how much someone means to you until you lose them.....I guess we both learnt the hard way oppa.....but it’s okay.....to love someone is to see them happy.....when I see you smiling with contentment.....my pain lessens.....Angel unnie has survived through such an ordeal.....you have finally seen the light.....maybe.....I will be okay too in the end......after all....I brought this upon myself.....if only.....I had realised....sooner......maybe....all this would be different......?
I’m sorry I lied to you oppa......there was nothing wrong with Danny.......it was me.....I made those things up because....I couldn’t stand telling you the real reason that brought me back to Seoul.....I didn’t understand it....and I just didn’t know how I would tell you.....I’m glad I never summoned up the courage to tell you though......because I’m so scared of hurting......
Yesterday....when I wrapped my arms around you.....words cannot express the way I had felt.....I was indeed testing you....but deep down.....I wanted you to kiss me.....I could never admit it now but.....if you had.....I think I would have taken up my selfish side again and kept you all to myself......and to think......after all Angel unnie’s done for me.....all’s fair in love and war......but I lost......my first and very last gamble.....
All these things......will be buried deep inside of me.....all I wish for you now....is to be happy and hold onto the one you love......
Because.....later might just be too late......
Take for an example......me......
Chapter 21
Angel hurried down the stairs at a fast pace but a voice called her to halt before she could step outside with her bag and jacket in hand.
“Wait!”
Min woo’s father shouted from the living room and came walking out from the living room.
“Where are you going?”
“Oh....to pick up min woo...”
She replied slightly abashed and unable to meet him in the eyes. Min woo’s father clenched his fist and stared at her in anger.
“Don’t lie to me....min woo called me in the morning to tell me he’s returning tonight....there was a flight delay....”
He eyed her waiting for an explanation.
“Really...? Oh....I didn’t know....well....I’ll just go to the café and pick them up later.....”
She said without much thought and shuffled, eager to get out of the house and away from his gaze. Observing her unease he sighed and toned down his voice but spoke all the same with an accusing manner.
“Don’t think I can’t see what you’ve been doing these three days....I know you’ve been secretly packing away a lot of your things.....tell me....what are you planning to do?”
“It doesn’t matter......”
She responded carelessly as her eyes shifted from the doorway to her dad’s aging face. He looked especially old and tired, his eyes calling out for her pity.
“What do you mean it doesn’t matter? Of course it matters! If you’re thinking about leaving this house then forget it because I won’t let you.”
“Why not.....?”
“Because......because.......min woo needs you!”
He blurted out and then turned away flabbergasted. A small pained sound of laughter escaped from Angel as she shook her head and tightened her lips.
“Not....anymore....”
He stared at the eyes that had lost their light a long time ago unable to say anything. It was true, he had seen the look min woo held in his eyes for soo jin, as if she was irreplaceable, the love of his life. He didn’t blame Angel for wanting to leave, to escape, to find a way out of this misty world of uncertainty but selfishly, he wished she would stay for min woo.
“You know that’s not true.....just because-”
He tried to explain and twist the truth for min woo but Angel cut him off harshly.
“It is true....and I don’t want to keep pretending it’s not.....I get hurt....I get tired too....and right now.....I think it’s the furthest I can go.....”
There’s only so much I can handle.....and......I promised didn’t I....? When he didn’t need me anymore.....I would step back away from his life in silence......I would.....I will......
Just so happens.....I’ve finally learnt how to accept and step away....I only get to live once.....is the suffering....really necessary?
“I’m sorry it didn’t turn out.....I really am....”
Taken back by her unfeeling tone, he held her hands tightly and searched her eyes one last time, in hope of seeing any sign of longing still present. Unfortunately, all he found was a determination to give up, to let go, to admit failure. Didn’t she care anymore?
“Dad, don’t say that, we all want the best for min woo. Remember when you used to tell me how much you wanted soo jin to be your daughter in law and what a nice girl she was? So think on the bright side, even without me, soo jin will be here for you and min woo. I’m sure she’ll make a great daughter in law and companion to min woo.”
Angel comforted min woo’s father and forced herself to smile hence building an invisible barrier around herself. It was time she cut herself off for him and his surroundings. She didn’t want to be affected anymore. Stepping away slowly, Angel went up the stairs and retrieved a large bag of luggage.
“Dad, since you already know, I don’t really have to stay anymore. Can you tell min woo for me?”
“I’m not telling him anything.”
Min woo’s father shook his head stubbornly and frowned in her direction. Angel nodded in response and sighed.
“It doesn’t matter, he’ll understand....once he sees.....”
“Sees what?”
“Nothing.....well....I guess I should go now.....”
“You’re really going to leave him?” He asked one more time. Angel dropped her bag and swung her arms around him.
“Dad, I’m so sorry. Tell soo jin to take care of him.” Angel stepped away and wiped the tears off her face. Without another look back, she walked swiftly out of the house and into a coming taxi.
I loved you Lee min woo......I really did......but now that it’s over.....I feel....relieved?
* * * * *
“DAD! WE’RE HOME!!! DAD?”
Min woo shouted and waited expectantly for a reply but when not even a syllable was uttered in reply to his shouts, min woo burst into the living room unable to contain himself. He had thought Angel would be there like she promised to pick them up but after waiting for an hour or so min woo finally gave up and took a taxi home. He figured if she wasn’t there, she would be waiting at home for them.
“Where are they?”
Soo jin muttered in confusion as they couldn’t not sight any form of a human figure in the vast lounge room.
“You’re home...”
A voice travelled from the stairs and down to the living room causing it to be barely audible.
“Dad?”
Min woo stared at the aged man in front of him who seemed especially worn out right then. The grey hair seemed just that tad bit lighter and wrinkles just that tad deeper. Something was definitely wrong.
“Welcome....home....”
Min woo’s father refused to even spare a look in min woo’s direction and walked down the stairs peacefully.
“Where’s Angel? Isn’t she home yet?”
“Yes...she is home. I’m sure she is.”
“Where is she then?”
Min woo looked towards the top of the stairs, in hope of sighting a figure.
“Why are you looking around here for her?”
“What? Where else am I supposed to look?”
Min woo replied baffled.
“I said she was home but what makes you think this is her home?”
An unemotional answer drifted from min woo’s father’s lips. His expression was indecipherable. Min woo began to panic as he sought the meaning behind the words. Where else would be her home? Unless....
“Dad, what happened? Tell me, where is she?”
He grabbed onto his father’s arm and pulled just a bit harder, demanding an answer yet his eyes shone through and his dad knew he was begging to know. But what was the use of telling him now?
“It’s too late min woo. You should let go....”
Min woo’s grip loosened but he knew the ‘let go’ was not aimed at his clutch onto his father’s arm.
Soo jin watched in silence and gradually pieced together the puzzle. She walked slowly up the stairs to Angel and min woo’s bedroom eluding any of the attention that may still have settled on her down there. It wasn’t hard since only Angel’s image filled their minds now. Soo jin thought in despair but smiled all the same. It shouldn’t affect her.
Coming to the slightly ajar door, soo jin slowly placed her hand on it and pushed in trepidation. She didn’t know exactly what it was she was expecting. But once the door was fully opened, soo jin experienced a peculiar sense of the surroundings. Under the normality the room illustrated, there was something very odd. An unexpected gush of wind blew through the open window and carried a fluttering piece of paper towards soo jin, landing gracefully in front of her feet. Intrigued, she picked it up and immediately the large bold text caught her undivided attention. Soo jin took in a sharp breath and failed to believe her eyes.
How could this have happened.....? It wasn’t supposed to end like this.....what am I thinking......how could this.....be the end?
* * * * *
Min woo clutched the papers in his hands tightly and could not stop trembling. His knuckles turned white but his hands gave no sign of wanting to let go. How could she do this to him? After all they’ve been through she could have at least waited for him this one last time.
You just left with everything.....even took your presence away from this house.....is your love for me really not worth waiting just another day?
Min woo thought angrily but when he realised what he was really thinking, he wanted to slap himself.
Lee min woo you jerk....who are you blaming it on now? You took her for granted for years.....all this time you never even truly took time to look at her, understand her, love her.......and now that you’ve finally driven her away......you blame her.....you’re a jerk lee min woo....a jerk......stupid.....jerk.....
Min woo cried out in pain and punched the wall in frustration, trying to shake off the images of Angel in his mind. The wall was now stained with deep shades of red, trickling down slowly, leaving a trail behind. The jolts of pain from his hand was finally sensed by his brain and min woo began to regain some awareness. So it was true, she was gone, but how could he just sit here and let her go without a fight? Wasn’t she worth fighting for?
I can’t just let her slip away......I can’t ask for her forgiveness but at least I still retain the right to expressing myself.....and after all this time......the least I owe her are my true feelings......maybe she has given up.....let go....forgot.....but.....I can’t give up....let go.....forget......because I have never fought.....held on......remembered......
Angel always said life was a gamble.....maybe it’s time I started gambling.......win or lose.....I’ll leave that to fate......something I had never believed in until now.....
* * * * *
For the past few weeks min woo abandoned his company and everything in search of Angel. He contacted every possible person he knew of and tried to trace her down. Min woo often laughed at the limited people he could contact. He knew Angel had an abundant amount of good friends yet when he searched there were only two available numbers that he could call on. How could he have been such a moron? Here he was thinking about her like crazy yet if anyone had asked what he knew about this girl he was ready to die for, other than physical appearances min woo didn’t know of anything else he could possibly say. He didn’t know what her favourite food was, her favourite animal, her favourite number, her favourite piece clothing or even her favourite song. He was deprived of all these little things about her but he had no one to blame but himself.
Brushing his messy hair back with a swift motion of the hand, min woo stared at the computer screen waiting for a reply. His last chance lay in the answer he was waiting for.
Please find her....please.......anything so I can see her again....so I can tell her how I feel......so I can tell her how much she means to me........how much I need her by my side........how much.....I love her......with my heart and soul......I just ask for a chance to tell her.....nothing more.....Guardian Angels above.....help....me......please.......
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