Chapter 20
Min woo and soo jin walked side by side along the beach as the sun set on their sides. It had been the second day already and they would return the next morning to
“Oppa.....”
Soo jin called to min woo softly. He turned his head her way and only waited for her to continue. Soo jin suddenly stopped in her tracks and stepped in front of min woo. He stared at her startled but remained silent.
“Oppa I’ve made up my mind....”
Still min woo said nothing, a strange feeling penetrated him but he couldn’t pin it down exactly. Something about soo jin irked him.
“I don’t know why I was so blind before.....leaving with Danny......when the person who loved me most was right in front of me.....I know I’m not being fair to Angel unnie but.....I need you oppa.....and now that I see.....”
Her voice trailed off and soo jin took another step closer towards min woo, their bodies now touching. She wrapped both arms around min woo’s neck brought her face closer to his until they could feel each other’s warm breath.
Min woo’s eyes widened and his body was shocked into frozen state. Everything was a blur in his mind, thoughts roaming around so fast that he couldn’t collect and make sense of anything that seemed to just appear. Soo jin’s lush lips were only a centimetre or less from his yet all he felt was confusion. How was that possible? Why didn’t he bring her in close and cover her cherry red lips with his, like he always wanted to? Why didn’t he hug her tightly and tell her how happy he was to hear her say that? Why.....did this blurry figure keep distracting him? Shaking his head to rid of the unwanted thoughts, min woo felt bothered and angry. He didn’t understand the way this scenario seemed to be developing and didn’t want it to continue this way but it did. The blurry image that was distracting kept gnawing at his patience. In a sudden, min woo pushed away the pale and shaking girl in front of him.
Soo jin fell to the ground in a thud but her reaction was what astonished min woo. She sat in the sand staring up at him while rubbing her sore behind but she was smiling all the same and through that smile she communicated to him words of gratitude and relief. It was a pained smile but to min woo it was this crack that allowed min woo to see through soo jin’s thoughts.
“You’re....not over him are you...?”
“Even if I was.....it wouldn’t have made a difference.....”
She replied with a hint of acknowledgement.
“What....do...you....mean...?”
Soo jin only smiled and stood up. She looked out towards the horizon and took a deep breath.
“I’ve always had a thing for sunsets.....what about you oppa?”
She murmured and asked him randomly.
“....I like watching the sun rise.....”
He said watching her facial expressions from the side. Soo jin smiled and turned her head around to look him in the eyes.
“Funny.......so does Angel unnie....”
With that soo jin turned her back to min woo and continued forward up the deserted beach, kicking the crystal clear water as it washed up shore.
So does Angel unnie......
Soo jin’s words swirled around min woo’s mind disorientating his train of thoughts once again. At the mention of Angel his heart jerked and missed a beat. Min woo abruptly came to comprehend what it was that had been tugging at his suppressed emotions these two days.
Angel.....
The blurred images gradually came into perspective and to his surprise, they were all images of Angel. Her smiling face, her laughing eyes and her angry pout, min woo felt as if he was discovering a whole new world in his mind, hid behind a door he never even knew was there. Where did the key come from?
* * * * *
Min woo walked by himself against the gentle breeze in his face, treading on the clear and icy water. He didn’t know when he had started this walk or how long he had been walking. He just knew he wanted to keep walking until he came to some sort of destination, end or conclusion. In search for that something he knew was there but was too ignorant to appreciate before. But who could he blame when it was himself that invisiblised this happiness waiting for just a glimpse from him. Looking ahead, he could see the small glint of light and finally now he was making a move and grasping the chance to locate the exit from this undeniably idealised world he had never thought he would want to let go of. That is until now, she brought light into his world, she brought happiness, she brought him a chance to find himself. Min woo began to contemplate his reasons beneath his cling to this love for soo jin. Angel ripped his icy wall of protection down layer by layer with her bright personality and understanding. He couldn’t think of one time when she wasn’t there supporting him. Thinking hard now, min woo at long last began to value and recognize the reason why she was there for him at all. It was because of one word, love. She loved him and he didn’t know from when it started but.....he loved her too.
His mind replayed back to three days before when she had turned around and walked away from their taxi. He longed for her to turn around and wave, he longed for her to smile and tell him that she would be waiting until he came back, he longed for her all in all. When her figure edged away from the taxi, min woo had a strong urge to rush out and pull her into his arms but he stepped and trodded on all these snippets of feelings that seemed to reveal themself when he wasn’t careful. He didn’t want these feelings, these urges, these desires he was losing control of more and more.
The flicker of sorrow in her eyes when he refused to speak and only stared at her silently in the car pulled at his heart strings. Min woo didn’t know where these memories came from but they seemed to be all stored in the back of his mind and ready for retrieval whenever he wanted. Her smile, her pout, the twinkle in her eyes and the dimple in her right cheek were all swirling instinctively in his mind. He loved the girl but was he going to lose her for realising too late?
I was blind....I didn’t see....I couldn’t see.....I’m sorry Angel.....maybe it was because I actually didn’t want to see......I was scared......I was a coward......and hurt you so deep.....
I don’t ask for your forgiveness because I don’t think I deserve it......but give me a chance to explain.....to tell you how much I really do love you....I may not have been the best husband but I’ll change...I promise.....please don’t tell me it’s too late Angel....I’ve lost a lot in my life and.....I don’t think I can afford losing anymore.....I can smile and wait for the pain to go away when I lose anything else.....but to lose you....I can’t even begin to imagine the agony......
Taking in a deep breath, min woo sat down on the sand and stared up into the vast sheet of dark blue satin studded with diamonds shining so dazzlingly. Each speckle of twinkling reminded him of Angel.
Starlight,
Star bright,
I wish I may,
I wish I might,
Have this wish,
I wish tonight
Angel, if you can hear me right now.....don’t go......please......the look in your eyes when we left.....I have so much to tell you.....I want to share my feelings with you......the one’s I’ve been shamelessly hiding.....and despising.......I’m sorry.......I know now.....just don’t tell me it’s too late.....don’t......
Min woo reached in his pocket and pulled out a small black box and pulled the lip open to reveal something reflecting off the starlight and shining just as brightly as the jewels in the sky. Inside was a pair of miniature slippers cut from pink diamonds and attached on the sides of each slipper was a tiny green bow cut from a green gemstone.
Just let me put these on your hands.......like I was supposed to that morning....I don’t know what stopped me...but.....when I saw your hopeful eyes......I couldn’t......I was too afraid to show you this....and confront the fierce rush of emotions......I didn’t know what to think....what it meant....what I wanted it to mean....but now I do....and when I place this in your palms.....I want to tell you......since a long time ago.....when I didn’t even know....I fell in love with you.......
* * * * *
“OPPA!”
Soo jin slapped min woo on the shoulder and gave him a look. He shrugged and gave a helpless look. Ever since they settled down in their seats on the plane, min woo couldn’t keep still and being nearly four hours into the trip back, soo jin was getting slightly irritated. She was trying to get some rest in her seat but min woo would keep her awake by either making a lot of noise while eating onion rings or hit her once in awhile by accident when he reached to the side for his luggage to look for something to do. Somehow an excited and uncompressible emotion surged through him and he could almost feel his heart leap over the oceans and fly back to
Wait for me Angel....I’m nearly there......
He stroked the satin box enclosed by his hand with a thumb and wore a secret smile. All his thoughts and feelings and love were sheltered in that one small box and when he hands it over to Angel, he will be free from constraint.
Watching min woo from the corner of her eye, soo jin let out a sigh of relief and lifted up the window screen on the side to let some light in. Looking out, she observed the fluffy white clouds and translucent azure. When she was little, looking up at the sky and searching for the Angels with wings would be one of her favourite hobbies. She believed they were always up there looking over and protecting her. Now she knew she was wrong, there were no Angels in the sky looking down on her, it wasn’t the Angels that stood up for her whenever she was bullied, no Angel ever turned up when she was faced with a problem. Unless, that Angel was Lee min woo. A silent tear slid down her face but she made no move to wipe it off her face. The tears were holding special meanings that she wanted to let go of now.
You never know how much someone means to you until you lose them.....I guess we both learnt the hard way oppa.....but it’s okay.....to love someone is to see them happy.....when I see you smiling with contentment.....my pain lessens.....Angel unnie has survived through such an ordeal.....you have finally seen the light.....maybe.....I will be okay too in the end......after all....I brought this upon myself.....if only.....I had realised....sooner......maybe....all this would be different......?
I’m sorry I lied to you oppa......there was nothing wrong with Danny.......it was me.....I made those things up because....I couldn’t stand telling you the real reason that brought me back to Seoul.....I didn’t understand it....and I just didn’t know how I would tell you.....I’m glad I never summoned up the courage to tell you though......because I’m so scared of hurting......
Yesterday....when I wrapped my arms around you.....words cannot express the way I had felt.....I was indeed testing you....but deep down.....I wanted you to kiss me.....I could never admit it now but.....if you had.....I think I would have taken up my selfish side again and kept you all to myself......and to think......after all Angel unnie’s done for me.....all’s fair in love and war......but I lost......my first and very last gamble.....
All these things......will be buried deep inside of me.....all I wish for you now....is to be happy and hold onto the one you love......
Because.....later might just be too late......
Take for an example......me......
Chapter 21
Angel hurried down the stairs at a fast pace but a voice called her to halt before she could step outside with her bag and jacket in hand.
“Wait!”
Min woo’s father shouted from the living room and came walking out from the living room.
“Where are you going?”
“Oh....to pick up min woo...”
She replied slightly abashed and unable to meet him in the eyes. Min woo’s father clenched his fist and stared at her in anger.
“Don’t lie to me....min woo called me in the morning to tell me he’s returning tonight....there was a flight delay....”
He eyed her waiting for an explanation.
“Really...? Oh....I didn’t know....well....I’ll just go to the café and pick them up later.....”
She said without much thought and shuffled, eager to get out of the house and away from his gaze. Observing her unease he sighed and toned down his voice but spoke all the same with an accusing manner.
“Don’t think I can’t see what you’ve been doing these three days....I know you’ve been secretly packing away a lot of your things.....tell me....what are you planning to do?”
“It doesn’t matter......”
She responded carelessly as her eyes shifted from the doorway to her dad’s aging face. He looked especially old and tired, his eyes calling out for her pity.
“What do you mean it doesn’t matter? Of course it matters! If you’re thinking about leaving this house then forget it because I won’t let you.”
“Why not.....?”
“Because......because.......min woo needs you!”
He blurted out and then turned away flabbergasted. A small pained sound of laughter escaped from Angel as she shook her head and tightened her lips.
“Not....anymore....”
He stared at the eyes that had lost their light a long time ago unable to say anything. It was true, he had seen the look min woo held in his eyes for soo jin, as if she was irreplaceable, the love of his life. He didn’t blame Angel for wanting to leave, to escape, to find a way out of this misty world of uncertainty but selfishly, he wished she would stay for min woo.
“You know that’s not true.....just because-”
He tried to explain and twist the truth for min woo but Angel cut him off harshly.
“It is true....and I don’t want to keep pretending it’s not.....I get hurt....I get tired too....and right now.....I think it’s the furthest I can go.....”
There’s only so much I can handle.....and......I promised didn’t I....? When he didn’t need me anymore.....I would step back away from his life in silence......I would.....I will......
Just so happens.....I’ve finally learnt how to accept and step away....I only get to live once.....is the suffering....really necessary?
“I’m sorry it didn’t turn out.....I really am....”
Taken back by her unfeeling tone, he held her hands tightly and searched her eyes one last time, in hope of seeing any sign of longing still present. Unfortunately, all he found was a determination to give up, to let go, to admit failure. Didn’t she care anymore?
“Dad, don’t say that, we all want the best for min woo. Remember when you used to tell me how much you wanted soo jin to be your daughter in law and what a nice girl she was? So think on the bright side, even without me, soo jin will be here for you and min woo. I’m sure she’ll make a great daughter in law and companion to min woo.”
Angel comforted min woo’s father and forced herself to smile hence building an invisible barrier around herself. It was time she cut herself off for him and his surroundings. She didn’t want to be affected anymore. Stepping away slowly, Angel went up the stairs and retrieved a large bag of luggage.
“Dad, since you already know, I don’t really have to stay anymore. Can you tell min woo for me?”
“I’m not telling him anything.”
Min woo’s father shook his head stubbornly and frowned in her direction. Angel nodded in response and sighed.
“It doesn’t matter, he’ll understand....once he sees.....”
“Sees what?”
“Nothing.....well....I guess I should go now.....”
“You’re really going to leave him?” He asked one more time. Angel dropped her bag and swung her arms around him.
“Dad, I’m so sorry. Tell soo jin to take care of him.” Angel stepped away and wiped the tears off her face. Without another look back, she walked swiftly out of the house and into a coming taxi.
I loved you Lee min woo......I really did......but now that it’s over.....I feel....relieved?
* * * * *
“DAD! WE’RE HOME!!! DAD?”
Min woo shouted and waited expectantly for a reply but when not even a syllable was uttered in reply to his shouts, min woo burst into the living room unable to contain himself. He had thought Angel would be there like she promised to pick them up but after waiting for an hour or so min woo finally gave up and took a taxi home. He figured if she wasn’t there, she would be waiting at home for them.
“Where are they?”
Soo jin muttered in confusion as they couldn’t not sight any form of a human figure in the vast lounge room.
“You’re home...”
A voice travelled from the stairs and down to the living room causing it to be barely audible.
“Dad?”
Min woo stared at the aged man in front of him who seemed especially worn out right then. The grey hair seemed just that tad bit lighter and wrinkles just that tad deeper. Something was definitely wrong.
“Welcome....home....”
Min woo’s father refused to even spare a look in min woo’s direction and walked down the stairs peacefully.
“Where’s Angel? Isn’t she home yet?”
“Yes...she is home. I’m sure she is.”
“Where is she then?”
Min woo looked towards the top of the stairs, in hope of sighting a figure.
“Why are you looking around here for her?”
“What? Where else am I supposed to look?”
Min woo replied baffled.
“I said she was home but what makes you think this is her home?”
An unemotional answer drifted from min woo’s father’s lips. His expression was indecipherable. Min woo began to panic as he sought the meaning behind the words. Where else would be her home? Unless....
“Dad, what happened? Tell me, where is she?”
He grabbed onto his father’s arm and pulled just a bit harder, demanding an answer yet his eyes shone through and his dad knew he was begging to know. But what was the use of telling him now?
“It’s too late min woo. You should let go....”
Min woo’s grip loosened but he knew the ‘let go’ was not aimed at his clutch onto his father’s arm.
Soo jin watched in silence and gradually pieced together the puzzle. She walked slowly up the stairs to Angel and min woo’s bedroom eluding any of the attention that may still have settled on her down there. It wasn’t hard since only Angel’s image filled their minds now. Soo jin thought in despair but smiled all the same. It shouldn’t affect her.
Coming to the slightly ajar door, soo jin slowly placed her hand on it and pushed in trepidation. She didn’t know exactly what it was she was expecting. But once the door was fully opened, soo jin experienced a peculiar sense of the surroundings. Under the normality the room illustrated, there was something very odd. An unexpected gush of wind blew through the open window and carried a fluttering piece of paper towards soo jin, landing gracefully in front of her feet. Intrigued, she picked it up and immediately the large bold text caught her undivided attention. Soo jin took in a sharp breath and failed to believe her eyes.
How could this have happened.....? It wasn’t supposed to end like this.....what am I thinking......how could this.....be the end?
* * * * *
Min woo clutched the papers in his hands tightly and could not stop trembling. His knuckles turned white but his hands gave no sign of wanting to let go. How could she do this to him? After all they’ve been through she could have at least waited for him this one last time.
You just left with everything.....even took your presence away from this house.....is your love for me really not worth waiting just another day?
Min woo thought angrily but when he realised what he was really thinking, he wanted to slap himself.
Lee min woo you jerk....who are you blaming it on now? You took her for granted for years.....all this time you never even truly took time to look at her, understand her, love her.......and now that you’ve finally driven her away......you blame her.....you’re a jerk lee min woo....a jerk......stupid.....jerk.....
Min woo cried out in pain and punched the wall in frustration, trying to shake off the images of Angel in his mind. The wall was now stained with deep shades of red, trickling down slowly, leaving a trail behind. The jolts of pain from his hand was finally sensed by his brain and min woo began to regain some awareness. So it was true, she was gone, but how could he just sit here and let her go without a fight? Wasn’t she worth fighting for?
I can’t just let her slip away......I can’t ask for her forgiveness but at least I still retain the right to expressing myself.....and after all this time......the least I owe her are my true feelings......maybe she has given up.....let go....forgot.....but.....I can’t give up....let go.....forget......because I have never fought.....held on......remembered......
Angel always said life was a gamble.....maybe it’s time I started gambling.......win or lose.....I’ll leave that to fate......something I had never believed in until now.....
* * * * *
For the past few weeks min woo abandoned his company and everything in search of Angel. He contacted every possible person he knew of and tried to trace her down. Min woo often laughed at the limited people he could contact. He knew Angel had an abundant amount of good friends yet when he searched there were only two available numbers that he could call on. How could he have been such a moron? Here he was thinking about her like crazy yet if anyone had asked what he knew about this girl he was ready to die for, other than physical appearances min woo didn’t know of anything else he could possibly say. He didn’t know what her favourite food was, her favourite animal, her favourite number, her favourite piece clothing or even her favourite song. He was deprived of all these little things about her but he had no one to blame but himself.
Brushing his messy hair back with a swift motion of the hand, min woo stared at the computer screen waiting for a reply. His last chance lay in the answer he was waiting for.
Please find her....please.......anything so I can see her again....so I can tell her how I feel......so I can tell her how much she means to me........how much I need her by my side........how much.....I love her......with my heart and soul......I just ask for a chance to tell her.....nothing more.....Guardian Angels above.....help....me......please.......
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